Finch

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 22:30:40 GMT

What is wrong with me... I was having a great day. I seriously thought that the newly developed closure from last night had given me a fresh breath of air and I was ready to keep moving.. and then I saw him. Now I'm back to being frustrated and I can't talk about it to anyone cause I talk about it way to much and everyone I know is sick of hearing about it...

I just dont understand how you can like someone, but not want to pursue it to the point where you are going to disapear from that person to deal with not having them anymore. What is going on? I can't remember the last time I had to the strength to walk away from someone I really liked and say " I just can't do that right now" I always made it work. Then come the horrible thoughts: I'm not good enough for that much effort... I know that't not true it just seems so true at this point. SERIOUSLY why can't I be emotionless?

I do need to concentrate on school and getting into shape though. So maybe those two combined can help me get over this hump. It's not even hump day and I'm already dragging. It's beacause it's a Monday.

NEW SPRITE ZERO: 0 Carbs, 0 Caffeine, 0 Sugar.. AMAZING

He's Just Not That Into You

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 20:25:32 GMT

So yeah.. every girl who's reading this has probably completely digested or been told lines from this book; "He's Just Not That Into You." I was the skeptical one... no I'm not going to read that. It's just people complaining about how relationships dont work and lifes hard.. yeah duh where have you been... the I picked it up.

Sadly it applied to many situations I have been including the current. He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. It hit hard when it said: "I dont want a serious relationship means I dont want a serious relatinoship means I dont want a serious relationship" Any hope of fear of doubt gone completley. He said it, he meant it. He's not afraid, he just knows what he doesn't want: me.

Seriously how confusing can you be.. UNBELIEVABLE. And why cant I move on. Please.. when someone tells you that the dont want a bf/gf, you just get over it and move on right. WRONG not when they call everyday and hang out with you everyday.. freaking what is going on. Basically whats going on is my stupidity.. but I just dont want it to change. I dont need a title. I love hanging out with him, he makes me feel gorgeous and gives me self confidence. So, why do I need a title?

BECAUSE no matter how hard you try, you will always get attached and then you will need some reasurrance that something is there and their is meaning to what you are putting your heart into. Yeah I know what you are thinking.. why doesn't she just take her own advice.

CAUSE I CANT IM STUCK AND I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF... so I'm going to take a nap and then work out... sweat those sorrows away

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 23:35:56 GMT

Its been a while.... what the heck

My life really isn't that interesting and I definatly am not a woman of big words.. so therefore I always feel as if I am wasting ya'll's(not a word) time by posting.. but I am at my Grandparents and I have been here for so long I have ABSOLUTLY nothing else to do.

Christmas Break: Not what I thought it was going to be. I didn't get to see half the people that I was itching to speak with. I felt utterly out of place. I almost fell asleep during the sermon.

Road Trip to ATL: If you ever spent eight and a half hours or more in the car with my family you would understand why I am the way I am. But, it was somewhat eventful anyway and the good part was that my Mimi met me at the door with fresh New Year's cookies. Beautiful.

School: Can't wait to get back. No matter how much I think that sometimes I am going to lose it, I love it. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Did pretty well on my grades, made Dean's List at least. But, the people. I just can't get over how different the people are. I love them. We all know why they are different, because I live in THE SOUTH!

I miss you all so much. If I didn't get to see you over Christmas, I wanted to but I was only home for a week and a few days. Happy New Year's to everyone... be safe, I'll try to sometimes I can get a little crazy sitting on the couch watching movies with my 90 yr old Grandmother..watch out ATL here we come.

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 21:34:38 GMT

"Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius:Today we salute you, Mr. Constant Collar Putter Upper. You, bedecked in popped collar, teach us that we no longer have to live with a cold, back of the neck. Sure, your Pink alligator polo may look feminine to some, but not to the 17 other frat guys wearing the same thing at the bar. Where others may see thoughtless fashion conformity, you preach a higher gospel. You preach of a world where its okay for a man to go tanning. You ask "why can't we wear make-up, and use shampoo with lavender essecence?" So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr. Abercrombie (or is it Fitch?), because we all know, when we really need a piece of gum, you might have one...in your man purse."

I hate computer lab

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 15:47:43 GMT

Ugh, I have to be in this place for fifty more minutes. I have recently realized that my whole life is on a computer. Every class I have relies on technology WAY too much. Whatever happened to a good pencil and paper. My math class, the one thing you would think would still require a notebook of somekind, is TOTALLY on computer. Gross, it makes me sick to my stomach how much time I spend looking at a computer screen!

Tonight we have a swap with the phi delts tongith and I am excited. The them is pajamas and that will be alot of fun because for the first time in a long time I won't have to wear heals out. I hate heals they make me taller than the mas population of males at this school. That is right I have realized that a lot of guys in Alabama are incredibly short. Oh well, maybe I am just too tall.

I know I haven't updated in a long time, but I miss all of you guys sooo much. I read your posts and it makes me sad that I don't get to experience those things with you. But, on the other hand I LOVE IT HERE! It has become one of my favorite places to be. I went out of town last weekend due to Ivan and payed my lovely grandparents a little visit in Atlanta. I swear I wasn't two hours away and I missed it and wanted to come back. I am sooo happy and that is a relief because I was doubting it for a while. But that doesn't mean I don't miss all of you guys!

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 03:22:46 GMT

Goodness Gracious, would you believe I chipped my tooth on a water slide today. I was joking about my fam at the park,and here I am with a dental visit in my near future.

There is just something about being around a bunch of southerners in bathing suit that just warms you heart.

Nothing much to report from A- town.

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 03:58:00 GMT

Yes, that is right everyone, Ashley Grace Finch now knows how to drive a stick shift!

Now to those of you who own and frequently drive one, this may not seem like a big deal to you. But I have always been afraid to try, and I finally did it. I can actually do it.

If you can picture it, my uncle taught me here, in atlanta.. oh what a sight. Let's say I stalled more that once. But it was an experience.

The rest of my day was equally exciting for as my 18th birthday present, my mimi took my shopping in atlanta and for the first time i could look without worrying about the price.. although i still did. I had a great day and got some things i really needed (like beautiful towels for school) I am so excited I can' t wait to get there.

Tomorrow is White Water with the fam and then over to the Aunt and Cousins for dinner. It should be interesting

Grace and peace

Mama Finch

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 03:02:48 GMT

Oh if ya'll could have see her. It was a beauty. That's right my mother, Kathy Finch rode every single roller coaster at Six Flags over Georgia today..

And oh was it a sight. We had a great time and I am blessed to have my mother... as are many others as I stare into the beautiful eyes of sharon miller on deerdilly's picture.

I just I would all let you in on the secret enjoyment of mama finch's: ROLLER COASTERS!

Holy Cow

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 03:39:39 GMT

I just discovered that far more people than I thought float through the universe of livejournal and its funny because all of them probably update more than I do!!

Jess Moore.. Lo Wilmot!!!! ROCK MY WORLD I HAD NO IDEA YOU GUYS WERE LETTING YOUR FEELINGS FLOW HERE ON THE ESTEEMED LIVE JOURNAL.

I am glad.. I miss you guys.

I love you all.. I feel a bit dramatic like boring you all with my philosphical ideas of myself but I will save that for a depressing day.

NOT TODAY, IM IN HOTLANTA!!

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 20:37:52 GMT

Well, my fourth weekend was pretty damn good I would say... although some people did some stupid things... isn't that the case for life in general.

Anyways... I finally get to see her. Don't ask, I shall not tell, but I get to see her. I have waited for this for soo long. I don't know what to do, to wet my pants, jump up in down, or curl in a ball, cry, worry, fret. I think I shall go with the first. It shall be amazing.

My friends from Chattanooga are going to visit me. I'm so enthusiastic about their visit. One of my best friends in the entire world... I can't wait.

Life is getting scary... as I stand in my room every morning I realize my life as I know it is coming to a close only to be replaced my individuality, self- stability and independence. All are very scary in my sheltered mind. But I am taking it in stride... it is all in his plan so bring it on.

I love you all, even if we have not been in one another's prescence in some time.. don't ever think differently.

-Finch

Roll Tide!

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 14:22:48 GMT

Wow, it's been a while.. and I am not sure it feels good to be back, but oh well.

ROLL TIDE!!
That's right, my crimson tide defeated the number one Stanford.. wow amazing the reaction of those boys when I told them I had decided on UA.. they love me.

Unexpected.. isn't it?

Mon, 10 Nov 2003 01:20:47 GMT

You all know him as a dry- humored, sarcastic person who is quiet at first, but once you get to know him, amazes you with his words and talents.. but what you don't know him as...

A POET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The very first time I saw you,
Was special how we met.
You took me by complete surprise,
I knew my heart was set.

As days flew by, we talked again,
but you never seemed to care.
I tried my best to help you out,
By a favor here, or a favor there.

Although I made a fast approach,
Our friendship grew and grew.
I realized how deep I cared,
But the feeling I felt was new.

In time I became attached to you,
From a hug, I wouldn't let go.
I soon saw how close we were,
And the feeling was good to know.

For you, I wrote sweet letters and poems,
You were on my mind all day.
The thought of sleeping was nowhere near,
Unless I knew you were okay.

It hit me then, what I was in-
A unique and precious love.
For the person I said was only mine,
Was an angel sent from above.

The minutes without you turned to days,
And the seconds with you flew fast.
I could only hope to see you more,
And make each moment last.

The times I spent with you,
Were what made my heart complete.
I know one thing for sure,
Without you my future was obsolete.

And now we love just the same,
As it doubles day by day.
I stare deep into your precious eyes,
Yet I'm still speechless to what I should say.

With you, I'm in a whole new world,
You bring out the best in me.
It's hard to picture you not there,
When you taught me who to be.

Yes, the road ahead gets hard,
When things may only seem rough.
But because you and I try so much,
We'll stay strong and get by tough.

Though problems may lie ahead someday,
And either of us could be right;
I promise to always be by your side,
And I promise my heart, so hold it tight.

And so, each night beside my bed,
When there's only bright stars to see.
I pray that we may never give up,
And will always remain you and me.

-ZWW

Closure

Tue, 14 Oct 2003 02:39:50 GMT

I think it is finally over... although it is a step by step journey that I am still on, but I have conquered the first step....

It felt so good to walk by him with my head held high knowing that I was with someone who treats me a hundred percent better and who I am truly meant to be with at this time. I didn't desire a relationship with him anymore, in fact I wanted to get out of there as quick as I could. It is the first time in a while that I have felt confident in front of him and it felt great.

Many people think that the reason I hated him was because I liked him... kinda like a love- hate, obsession- but not pursuit relationship. But what I haven't told anyone, except one who listens to me when I rant although he isn't forced, is that the true reason I hated him so much was the way he made me feel about myself. And joking about it and making fun of him somewhat covered up how I truly felt. I felt so used... he made me feel as if I wasn't good enough, I didn't match up. Well, I've felt that way for a long time, and tonight... that feeling is gone.

Im the one who is an amazing relationship and have friends who truly care about me and dont' like me just because the want to be seen with me or use me for things that I have. I may not be as pretty as his expectations, or as smart as he is, but gosh darnett when it comes down to it I AM BETTER and he is the one that ISN"T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

So there, its out of my system.. step one is finished, and now it is on to step two which would be gaining the self confidence to know that I need not live up to anyones expectations but my own, I shall be my own critic, and not allow the pessimistic world to affect me in my demeanor.

Peace I'm out

Intuition

Tue, 30 Sep 2003 00:38:47 GMT

So today is Monday and that should automatically throught the phrase, "bad day" in all of your minds. As it normally was, today was pretty dull from Elmeer forcing me write an English essay with a genius and an extremely creative person while my brain wasn't working worth poop. Basketball was pretty dull, but when I got home, wakled down that hallway, looked on that counter.... the whole world TURNED UPSIDE DOWN!

That's right, I was sent a Schick Intuition razor.... OMG!!!!!!!!!

"Lathers and shaves in one easy step!"
SHAVING JUST GOT SIMPLER

"The ALL-IN-ONE cartridge features triple blades surrounded by SKIN CONDITIONING SOLID!!!!!!!!

And dont worry girls.. it comes with a shower hanger which CONVENIENTLY stores the razor and the FREE refill given to you!!! OMG ITS THE VENUS BUT BETTER!

No seriously, I tried it... it was wonderful... get one.. its awesome!

Sincerley,'
Stoked

Sun, 28 Sep 2003 20:26:19 GMT

I attended the best high school dance I have every attended last night. Never have I been so stressed and worried about the outcome of things when they have just fallen right into place and cured my fears. We had soo much fun before during and after. I don't even think I can describe in words how wonderful it was... Im sorry about that entry last night. Zach made me do it, I swear. It really wasn't good at all but it was one in the morning and I didn't go to bed until five. I'll never forget this.

Thank you to everyone who made my night as special as it was....

Zach: for being a great friend first, but also a wonderful boyfriend.
Heather and Matt: for providing laughter at times of need, especially times of stress or uncomfort.
Mais: for putting up with everyones crap and putting this whole thing together, what would we do without you.
Ham: for opening up your house for us when we needed a place to be.. it was great
Amanda: for as well opening up your house, although I didn't have thehonor of staying there, I've heard it was great.
Gaddy: props to you for making me look how I did.. without you and your friendship my broken out face would have been apparent..
Coyle and Jared: you two provide great laughter even if you are rubbing your feet on my pillow!
If i forgot anyone, I love you all I am just really tired and need to go take a nap before live jesus... I hope everyone had a great time.

Sun, 28 Sep 2003 06:01:44 GMT

So homecoming was tonight and it was a lot of fun. I hope everyone had a great time, I know we did. I am sitting here in Ham's, brothers, bedroom pondering why the hell he has a chair covered in fabric with the print of lime green tulips on it? What the hell, this boy is a freshman in high school, what is he thinking? Everyone else is watching Wild Things, what a bad movie! So, instead I'm sitting here on this really cool looking computer typing in this thing cause Zach says that my entries are never positive... blah. Ham is singing a song to me.. haha... ok thats all. Peace out Im out.

Rain!

Sat, 20 Sep 2003 04:30:09 GMT

Wow what a great night. Unexpected though because I thought due to the fam being in town all weekend and my father practically entraping me in the house, life was going to be dull. But, not tonight. Went to the football game with Zach, and we got SOAKED! It was awesome.

I love the feeling of happiness where you can be yourself no matter who you are with and especially with certain people. People who care about you no matter what you look like, do or don't do, and etc. I am blessed with numerous friends and a boyfriend who fall into this category and recently is has become apparent to me how wonderful my life is going right now. I am so amazed at the way things can turn around. I was reading my early journal entries the other day and I was so unhappy and a lot of it was due to the fact that I hadn't really discovered who I was... but I have and because of it I am having a great time...

I am stoked about homecoming and about my future.. its going to be awesome!

Wed, 17 Sep 2003 01:44:38 GMT

Well, tonight I was almost abducted by a strange man in the mall parking lot.. the funny thing is that I predicted the occurence to Zach, yet he didn't believe me that it would happen, of course who would, we would all hope that our mall parking lot was safe, but ITS NOT! If anyone wants to know the story, feel free to ask, but I am not going to type it up.

My grandparents are going to be in town this weekend, and while I love them to death and they love me more than imaginable.. it is going to be really hard to stay home more than I usually do. I am used to being able to go and come as I please and I know they are going to want me with them at all times... ugh a hassle, yet I know I am being selfish. I never know when things will change or someone will die and I should suck it up and be able to give up one measly weekend for those that love me.... yeah so I'm selfish.

Well, homecoming just around the corner.. Have I mentioned how ridiculously expensive things are these days.. gosh darn if a bowl of soup on sanibel isn't like fifteen bucks... but it promises to be a great one. I have a wonderful date, the whole group is going together, and these two things mean I get to spend a very special night with people whom I hold dear to my heart.. Oh I can't wait.

Well, in closing I hope we can all look at the big picture and live for today rather than concentrating on the future!
Night

Tue, 02 Sep 2003 00:10:31 GMT

I feel so useless..... so many people around me hurt and suffer and yet I seem to be unable to assist them in their grievances. My heart aches for those close to me and I only wish I could do something to help. I sit here, as tears roll down my cheeks, and I realize that the outward appearance of someone pretending to be happy and content with life can be rudely decieving. Why can't I do anything to help? My heart aches at the thought of others hurting with the inability to share and ask for help.... but also at the thought of someone who's head is so full they fill as if they are going to burst with thoughts and ideas and thing others have said.... I just don't know what to do with myself.

I thirst for understanding... understanding of a world where someone can appear so happy on the outside, yet be broken and craving unfathomable things on the inside. A world where their is a common belief in a God who created this earth and who we shall rejoin by belief in the after life, yet people all around are suffering and their is a commom miscommunication. How am I suppose to stay happy with friends losing battles with eating disorders, friends battling disorders, battling depression, battling death, battling each other.. the list goes on and on.. and the main problem discovered only by the wise words of one i care about... I just don't understand

So if you are hurting... I am terribly sorry that I can't help... but if there is anyway that I can, PLEASE let me know.

Tue, 19 Aug 2003 23:02:46 GMT

Bob Marley, "No Woman No Cry," what a great song..."Zach Widener

Freshman Retreat this weekend, cant wait... it promises to be a great time. I am really excited about the spanish trip, but forty people signed up, not looking too hopeful when he is only taking fourteen people.

Fri, 15 Aug 2003 02:33:01 GMT

I just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for making my birthday absolutly wonderful! It couldn't have been better and through all your loving actions I felt very special. I thank you for all you kind thoughts and words, and unfortunatly I can't name you all because there are so many. You are all so wonderful and I am blessed to have you in my life.

Cow jumped over the moon

Mon, 04 Aug 2003 03:56:09 GMT

The moon was beautiful tonight.... perfectly shaped as for someone to plant themselves right in the curve of its center. How insignifigant a scene as that makes one feel.... but it is so wonderful to imagine that there are so many people and therefore so many possibilities. So magical to think about how lives flip and flop from good times to bad and home irony plays such a huge role in it all.

How one minute one person can be searching for the one thing the need and be surrounded by mulitiple persons blessed with that one thing at the time..... and then out of the middle or nowhere, completely unexpected you are surprised by the sway in your life from hoping and wanting to having and holding on to. Yet someone who was blessed with what one ached for was no robbed or their good fortune and left in the dust, depressed and searching for a path to follow. Life is cruel and yet so rewarding.

But the key is that those who were around such a person and were blessed with what the person wasn't as well as the person themselves are their to support each other through these ups and downs, complementing each other time and time again.

Something to ponder yet adore.....

Hank

Sat, 02 Aug 2003 04:43:34 GMT

Kat informed me today that she is attempting to change her dog's given name from Calvin to Hank... this brings up the question of whether you can really change the name a dog has been responding to all his life.

Someone was talking to me tonight about in a relationship... the opposite partner attempting to change them from who they truly were and in a sense I think that is somewhat the same thing as changing Calvin's name. Although it is possible, the object will never be the same once it is expected to respond to a completely different message.

Acceptance of people for who they truly are is something I believe everyone struggles with and some people are more talented in the task than others. But if you attempt to judge someone or get to know them only through the outermost layer, a true relationship can never be prolonged or extensivly enjoyed... interesting to think about.

Sun, 27 Jul 2003 08:38:07 GMT

hi my name is ashley finch and im so smart i forgot to log out of my livejournal.

Sun, 27 Jul 2003 08:16:41 GMT

im a butt